When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
