Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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