Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
