The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
