she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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