I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
