it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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