Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
