youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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