When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
