you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
