Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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