I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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