in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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