Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
