My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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