i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
