She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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