they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
