he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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