Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
