it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
