I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
