I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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