Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
