I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dick very happy bro
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
