I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
