sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
