I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
