He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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