It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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