Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
