dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
