I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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