Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your penis caused this!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
