i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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