Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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