never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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