I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
