My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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