dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this just has baby written all over it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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