watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
