my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
