Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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