The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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