I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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