Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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