The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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