So drunk its hurt
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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