Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
