this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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