I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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