She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
