thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
