doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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