I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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