my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
