WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
