Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
