i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Someone signed my nipple.
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