Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
