Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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