i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
