I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
